i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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