If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
