my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
