He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
