omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
