Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
