so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
