please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
