the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
