I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
