In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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