: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
