If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We don't watch enough power rangers
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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