ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
