wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
