It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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