I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
