I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
