how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize