Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
