How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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