Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
