Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
