Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
