why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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