just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
