is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
