Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I AM VODKA MAN
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
