If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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