smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize