You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
