A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
