dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
