If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
