your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
