I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize