We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
