okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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