I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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