No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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