But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
