I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
