Pants 0. Shit 1.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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