Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
