i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
