stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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