I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
