I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
