you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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