i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
God I need to hump something, right now.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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