She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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