I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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