the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
