I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
