Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
