do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
