im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize