and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
