i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
