I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize