My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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