no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
