Dual....:-)
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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