He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
COCAINE IS GR8
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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