Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
