She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
