p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
