Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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