I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
