on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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