Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
